life is inevitably predetermined.

"My whole life has been decided by fate. I think something more powerful than we are decides our fates for us. I know one thing - I've never planned anything that ever happened to me." - Sharon Tate

time in a bottle.

last night while looking for something in my closet, i came across an old diary. a diary i held between 1995 and 1998. as i rummaged through the pages, several emotions invaded my cloudless mind.

i laughed. a lot.

at the same time, i was confused. sad. amazed. responsive.

capturing time in a bottle would be so sweet.

facade extraordinaire.

smoke and mirrors: a metaphor for a deceptive, fraudulent or insubstantial explanation or description.

everyone has a smoke and mirror act(s) in their life. i don't give a shit how many times you've said you got rid of all the fake people in your life, some are still present. it's unfortunate, but some people do possess this talent, similar to a magicians' illusions. i like to call it facade extraordinaire. they make a personality appear, then disappear.

don't be fooled.

free will.

free and independent choice; voluntary decision.

in a nutshell.

some people argued for ages that free will is non-existent, while others beg to differ. personally, i thought it existed at one point. i did. i was one of those who felt i had free will to do what i wanted, when i wanted. but in light of some recent actions, i've come to realize that something else is controlling my actions. but what ? i want to know what's making me do the diminutive things i say i will no longer do. or i will try to do less of. or change. why isn't it working?

free will. does it really exist ?

and if it does, is it possible that it only exists in certain areas of your life and is absent in others ?

less is more.

i'm embarking on something new.

i'm willing to try this out for as long as i can and see where it takes me.

about a week ago, i took my daughter bike riding in prospect park. we laughed. we fell. she cried. ate italian icees. rode on the carousel. fed birds. hung out near the dog beach. it was great. i've been embracing life's simple abundances a lot more lately.

joyful simplicities go a long way.

life = photography

you develop from the negatives.

karma.

I'm an avid believer in this bitch -no lie. This might sound bad, but as nice as I am, I smile at the thought of revenge. Yes. I don’t have the energy nor the time to entertain trivial people and their actions, so I let Karma deal with them -cuz she's more of a bitch than I am and I love her.

exude confidence.

You gotta do that. Once you have confidence, you can do, say, and wear damn near anything. I have seen the most homely women and men get attention out in public. Why? Because they exude confidence & power. They smile, laugh, engage in exceptional conversation and acquire great body language – which is pertinent. If you’re always slouched and frowning do you think anyone will approach you? Negative. They’re going to see you for what you are - an unmotivated, monotonous individual. Especially someone who's attention you are trying to get. How can you expect to have a fun, blissful life with people if you’re not happy? Sitting around doing nothing is certainly not the answer.

And yes - I’m speaking to a specific someone. I’m only saying this ‘cuz I love you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t waste my blog’s precious space.

Take control. Own it.

Ciao.

laws of attraction.

Your words or way of thinking can either work for you or against you. Words have a creative power, believe it or not. Listen to what you’re saying about yourself or your situation today, it'll determine a lot about you and what you think of yourself.

Brook had an entry on her blog relating to this topic a couple weeks ago. I agree with her perspective too. Yeah, I'm a realist when I need to be and yeah the universe talk sounds a bit crazy, especially when you're in the situation she was in (trying to get her car window fixed -- so clearly "meditating and channeling stars" would not have fixed her window, lol) but when it comes to other situations and life as a whole... the laws of attraction have lots of truth to them. You keep talking negative shit, then negative shit will continue to occur. Your thoughts dictate your life.

Think positive. Act as if you already have what it is you desire. Open your mind. I'm sure many of you have read The Secret. It's not even about that though, it's beyond that.

Ok, my metaphysics moment has concluded. Anywho, later this evening, I have an interview with this new R&B artist on Universal for this online music publication my friend runs. No, this is not "the" interview that I am excited about, that one hasn't happened yet. But this one is cool too. As long as I get to meet new people, talk to them, talk to their people (i.e. PR reps, managers, etc), and transcribe, I'm happy. Writing makes me happy. I'm not as prepared as I should be though. I have most of my questions ready, but my tape recorder went missing, and I haven't even listened to this dudes new single yet... smh. I did read his bio though, so I know enough to get me by. I'll shape up by the time I meet with him.

I'll post or link the article when it's published.

P.

dreams.

[picasso dreams]

dream (drēm):

• A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.


• A daydream; a reverie.


• A state of abstraction; a trance.


• A wild fancy or hope.


• A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration.


• One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful.
  

Everyone has had dreams so abnormal, complex or scary that you didn't know what to make of it. What did you do when that happened? Many people call a family member or friend for their opinion or explanation, while others go to the Dream Moods Dictionary.

What's the craziest [whatever you may deem crazy or out of the norm] dream you've ever had and what did you do after waking up realizing that it wasn't real?

More importantly, do you believe in your dreams?

Obviously, a dream I had this morning prompted this post.

Feel free to post anonymously.

i am not a serial killer but...

.... sometimes I do have some borderline crazed thoughts. But then again, what female with sometimes high estrogen levels wouldn't after being hurt by a man in a violent manner?

I saw this movie called Monster [I'm sure many people have seen this by now] with Charlize Theron when I was a junior at John Jay in my Criminology class. In the movie, Charlize Theron played Aileen Wuornos [very well, might I add], who people proclaimed to be the first female serial killer. She killed 7 men between 1989 and 1990 and was convicted and sentenced to death for six of the murders, and executed via lethal injection on October 9, 2002.

Now this might be the Forensic Psych major in me coming out, but I like to analyze why people, no -- not people. That would mean anyone. I like to analyze why criminals do some of the demented shit they do. I am not condoning Aileen Wuornos' actions, but if anyone saw the documentary as well as the movie, they'd see that she lived an atypical life from childhood which led to a lot of her wrongdoings, particularly her malice towards men.

• her father was a child molester
• she slept with several men at a very young age, including her brother
• she had a baby at 13, and gave him up for adoption
• her mom passed away, and she became a prostitute
• she was violently raped which led to her sprees
• her lawyer was incompetent, she was denied a re-trial and didn't even know she had the right to appeal due to the incapacity of her lawyer.
• eventually she was executed despite her unsound mind.

I absolutely loved this movie. It was so intricate, a little gruesome and deranged that my eyes were glued to the fucking screen...I like shit like that... The documentary, Aileen: Life and Death of a Serial Killer, is much more realistic than the movie though. While the movie largely portrayed her as a victim, the documentary did not cover up her wretched past.

Taking into account all that happened to her in life [there is so much more than what I have bulleted above], were her actions justified at least a little via self defense? I don't think anyone should go around killing people but...

Think about it...

temporary happiness?

In 1374, a philosopher named Geoffrey Chaucer wrote"All things must come to an end". Later on, the word 'good' was added and several variants of this proverb was created, the most popular one being: "All good things must come to an end."

I've thought about this time after time after time. Especially when things are exceptionally good in my life [and my relationship]. I try not to entertain the concept though, because the mere thought of it scares me.

Do all good things really come to an end?

'Cuz if they do, then I'm determined to make this "good" thing I got right now go real, REAL slow ... I don't know how much sense that makes to ya'll, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I think it's safe for me to say I'm happy ... and that's a "good" thing, but does this mean my happiness will come to a halt?


I hope not. :-/