20 November 2008

is chivalry dead?

I was talking to my best friend last night and we got into a discussion about chivalry.

I happen to appreciate chivalry. Open the car door every once in a while. Help me with my bags [ok he won't carry the Louie, but you get my jist]! Treat me like the lady I happen to be. I love it. But, my best friend goes on to say that there’s a double standard. He asks what does the man in a relationship get in exchange. *side eye*

Truth be told, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that question from a man. My theory is that some of them are “tired” of the chivalry. Ummm, if you’re dating a woman, treating her like a lady should come with the territory. If you’re both walking in or out of some place, yes, you should get the door for her. If she’s carrying a bag or item that looks heavy, you should grab that ish for her.

Don't get me wrong, I'll do the same. I'm not all about Mr. Man doing everything. We can Trade Places [love that song] at times. I was just trying to prove a quick point to my big-headed friend. But this conversation lead to questions I figured I'd throw out there.

Are guys sick and tired of pulling out chairs and opening doors, etc?

Ladies: Does your significant other do that "gentlemen" stuff for you, or no?

Furthermore, do you think that because women have become more and more 'independent' over the years, chivalry has died ?


Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

I don't think it's dead, but it is dwindling at a rapid rate. Yes, women are becoming more independent, and in some cases, doing better than men, so men feel as though they don't have to do those things anymore.

Me, I love chivalry! You better not walk in front of me and don't open the door...that's rude. Open my door, pull out my chair, open my car door...I love it :)

Peggy M. said...

lol, i'm with you ... it just makes you feel all good on the inside ...

Vegas International said...

Chivalry goes back to another era! Another time in history where women behaved one way, and men behaved another. You cant ask for change and then not expect other things to change. Yea, you might like for a man to open your door, and give you his jacket if its cold, and pull out your chair at diner. Yes thats nice, but, so is going home and having dinner waiting, having your clothes washed and pressed, having a lady always looking sexy (not in dirty tshirts and sweat pants). Yall want old school behavior from men but yall want to be able to behave in the new school way. Back in those days, kissing 2 guys in High School was a big deal, now you hard pressed to find a chick that aint fucked 3 motherfuckas on the team, lol

So What we need to do is live with the progression of society and stop complaining. If you want a guy to be chivalrous, you can find him, just like i can find a woman that wants to be barefoot and pregnant at home. If you really want it look for it and dont stop till you get it, but be prepared that if he is that old fashion, he might expect you to be too. ARE YOU??


Peggy M. said...

You have a point.

I didn't say I want that old school behavior in it's entirety. Maybe you missed the part where I said, I'd do those things too (which ties into you saying men want dinner cooked, clothes pressed, etc). I'm down for all that... It's an even exchange homie.

I was just wondering why I get the impression that some men are tired of being "gentlemen" and is it because of this whole Independent Woman thing females are doing nowadays ... like is that deterring men from being chivalrous (not in the full sense of the word)?

& no one's complaining damnit! lol.

André C. Coley said...

I think any guy that doesn't know how to treat a lady like a lady is a complete moron. And any woman, who wants to be treated like a lady and settles for less than that is an asshole. Plain and simple!

Remember "The Cosby Show"? I know it was a while back, but that's not a far fetched idea. Not so long ago, we [Black men] used to treat our women with respect and compassion. Whether you were a hustler, an academic or a career man, there was an understanding amongst the men that women should be treated as women. Now we make lame ass excuse that because women want to be independent that we don't have to do that anymore. That's just stupid! I mean, really! Don't you people have sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers or cousins? Could you imagine a guy coming by to take them out and treating her less than a lady? So what justifies your actions in treating another woman less than who or what she is? We need to do better! We're adults now, how many childish games can we continue to play and for how long? Let's grow the fuck up already!!!

Sorry Pegs, I had to go in!